Jul 28th, 2015
Phantom Golf Defecator Strikes Again
Bottom Inspectors On The Case
Words: The Brigadier
Stavanger Golf Club has been trying to deal with the phantom defecator for over ten years, but despite adding floodlights around some of the defecators preferred greens, the problem is ongoing and the culprit remains at large, and free to commit his heinous crimes.
According to green keeper Kenneth Tennfjord, “He has a few favourite holes, and we know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman.”
He also says that the excrement has recently changed its make-up, leading him to think that the phantom may now be on laxatives, or in poor health.
The club reports that there's always toilet roll left by the incriminating stools, and they even know that he arrives by bike and only strikes during the week. What would Inspector Morse make of that, we wonder?
The managing director of Stavanger Golf Club, Steinar Fløisvik, believes that the Phantom is a not a golf fan. "Our idea is that it could be someone who, for unknown reasons, hates the game of golf. Alternatively, the person may have a fetish or suffer from mental problems."
We think it is probably a bit from column A, a bit from column B, and a bit from column C. Or could it be the work of renowned golf haters Bono and The Edge?
We also feel for our fellow golfers in Stavanger. It must be a rather unsettling feeling not knowing what to expect when you go and get your ball from the hole. It’s enough to put anyone off their stroke!
Have there ever been any on course toilet issues at your club? Or have you ever had to let nature take it's course, on the course! Tell us below...