Help The Gravy
Latest > It's a Christmas Help the Gravy
Dec 18th, 2017
It's a Christmas Help the Gravy
And a Yuletide Bunch Of Arse!
Words: GolfPunk
It's Christmas time and there's no need to be afraid. Especially if you're appearing in Help The Gravy... if you're in Bunch Of Arse on the other hand...
Bunch Of Arse: BBC Sports Personality Of the Year
Bunch Of What-the-bloody-hell-was-that-all-about?-I-mean-who-was-in-charge-Krusty-The-Clown?!-and-then...-Mo-Farah-are-you-having-a-bleedin'-laugh-and-who-were-the-other-two-who-came-2nd-and-3rd-what-no-AJ?! Arse!
Help The Gravy: Michelle Wie for having a pop at the LPGA dress code nonsense
Helping The Looking-fantabulous-Weezy-maybe-the-LPGA-would-prefer-it-if-you-wore-a-sleeping-bag-onesy! Gravy!
Help The Gravy: Justin Rose winning for the third time in five weeks when he bagged The Indonesian Open!
Helping The Blimey-this-guy-appears-to-be-rather-good-at-the-niblick-swinging Gravy!
Help the Gravy: All the brands that put up Christmas present gifts for you lovely GolfPunkers
Helping The It’s-a-Christmas-miracle-God-bless-us!-Every-One! Gravy
Bunch Of Arse: That bloody woman on that bloody god awful TUI advert...
Bunch Of Jesus-wept-that-counts-as-advertising-creative?-she's-got-a-voice-like-a-warbling-gerbil-and-arwally-annoying-self-conscious-bemused-look-on-her-stupid-face-I-know-that's-the-intention-but-it's-still-shit-please-remove-it-from-the-televisual-menu-post-haste! Arse!
Help The Gravy: Hole More Putts for getting GP’s Editor finally stroking the ball in the right direction on his living room carpet!
Helping The You-have-no-idea-how-bad-this-dude’s-putting-was-prior-to-this-fancy-golf-gizmo-turning-up-in-the-office Gravy!
Help The Gravy: The R&A & USGA for banning armchair referees
Helping The A-bit-late-for-Lexi-who-copped-a-2-shot-penalty-when-some-armchair-berk-phoned-in-(the next day after Lexi had returned her scorecard!)-to-suggest-she-had-placed-her-ball-a-millipede-from-where-she’d-marked-it-costing-her-a-major-BUT-at—least-it-can’t-happen-again Gravy!
Bunch Of Arse: The R&A and their hideous Open commercial monopoly which now extends to a ‘no readmission policy so you can’t leave the course at any stage and get back in.
Bunch Of Really?-you’re-not-already-making-enough-money-serving-up-£10-sausage-rolls-without-having-to-shut-down-the-town-you-are-invading-with-220,000-golf-fans-so-no-one-can-leave-the-premises-so-every-business-in-the-local-area-get-absolutely-nothing-oput of-The-Open-except-the-aggravation-who-exactly-is-in-charge-at-the-R&A-Monty-bloody-Burns?! Arse
Help The Gravy: Carnoustie Community Council for standing up to the R&A
Helping The “How-can-businesses-in-town-benefit-if-the-R&A-hold-thousands-of-golf-fans-hostage-within-the-confines-of-the-Championship-course-all-day,-with-no-incentive-or-opportunity-to-spend-a-bit-of-time-in-the-town-itself?”-well-saidCouncili-Chairman-Arliss-Rhind Gravy!
Help The Gravy: Tiger’s comeback
Helping The Put-that-in-yer-pipe-and-smoke-it-all-you-naysayers-and-misery-guts-esses Gravy!
Bunch Of Arse: Jack Nicklaus for telling the world he doesn’t give a tinker’s cuss about Tiger’s return
Bunch Of I-love-you-Jack-but-get-a-grip-it’s-what-golf-needs-maybe-you-should-spend-less-time-with-your-half-witted-President-pal Arse!
Help The Gravy: Simon Cowell being threatened by a neighbour with a golf club over some parking disagreement malarkey
Helping The We-don’t-condone-violence-or-anything-but-well,-he-is-a-git-it-looked-like-a-3-wood-but-we-can’t-be-certain Gravy!
Help The Gravy: The golfer who performed the ultimate GolfBunk and managed to play 140 rounds without his bosses knowing he should have been at work...
Helping The When-you've-got-to-play-you've-got-to-play-that'sjust-science-and-probably-the-law Gravy!
Bunch Of Arse: the aforementioned GolfBunker getting the sack when they finally found out...
Bunch Of Well-I-suppose-he-did-have-it-coming Arse!
